Australia vs. New Zealand on Totally Frivolous Criteria

As a household of travelers, we have accumulated a fat jar of coins from around the globe. You can’t change them back to US dollars, and you don’t use them when you’re actually there because it’s embarrassing to hold up the line while you try to figure out the reasoning behind the enormous 5 cent coin and the tiny, tiny dollar ones. So, because it’s raining and my true love has parked himself in the studio, preventing me from accomplishing actual work, I am able to answer the really big questions. Such as, “Who has cooler money, Australia or New Zealand?” Now, I’m leaving the bills out of this, it’s an all-coin bout going up to a dollar. I know they have two dollar coins, but that’s wrong and unnatural. It’s all tails up because the heads are all versions of Elizabeth II. Let’s start with the five cent pieces, shall we. Nations, start your mints.

Extinct Coins and Living Fossils...Australia & the Echidna, and NZ & the Tuatara

Top coin is AU, bottom is NZ. Oddly enough, it seems that NZ did away with their 5-cent coin in 2006, shortly after my first trip there. So this is a rare coin now, hah! It features the tuatara, an endangered reptile that has been stuck in his ways since the Mesozoic. Pretty cool, NZ, pretty cool. But look at Australia–awwww, it’s an echidna, and he’s rolled into a ball. And while primitive reptiles are cool, a monotreme that lays eggs, has a four-headed penis and electrolocator abilities…sorry NZ. This one goes to the Aussies.

Lyre Bird Plumes vs. Maori Carving

10 cents: Top coin is Aussie, bottom Kiwi.

This is a tough one. The lyre bird is one of my favorite animals, but the Maori carving is also cool. I’m giving it to NZ on this one, since otherwise it’s just Australia falling back on their endless supply of fascinating wildlife.  It’s 1-1, folks.

But lyre birds are kick ass, observe:

flightless...things...

20 Cents: Top coin AU, bottom NZ.  This one goes to Australia. You can’t really tell from the pic, but the AU coin is a really artsy rendition of a swimming platypus. Spoiler Alert: the kiwi loses out because NZ gives up and uses it again on the dollar coin.

For some reason I didn’t have any NZ 5o cent pieces, so here’s the wikipedia image:

Kangaroo Coat-of-Arms

So, stick with me, folks, I know this is a snooze so let me just quickly point out how bizarre the Australian kangaroo-emu coalition 50 cent piece is. It appears they are running the country all by themselves. That done, I give it to Australia. Sorry, Endeavor.

And on the $1 coin, NZ defaults to the kiwi. Again. I know it’s not (mostly, anymore) their fault that there aren’t more sexy animals on their island. Oh, whoops, and Australia went for the kangaroo again. Come on, why not a wombat coin? I say you both lose on that one. I’m not even putting those pictures up.

So you're saying I don't get my own coin? Stupid kangaroos.

So on the completely arbitrary and frivolous grounds of who has cooler coins up to $1, Australia wins. And I was cheering for you, NZ, because I love your ferns and your freaky little birds. And your manuca honey. But hot damn, the Aussies know how to exploit their natural resources to great numismatic effect. And now I promise I will go so something worthwhile with my time. G’day.

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